Personal Narrative- Notaro

·        I was grabbed by the introduction. It was fairly short with not a lot of detail but the phrase “no way out of it” that the writer used is what kept me interested.

·        I liked how the writer focused her attention talking about her Pop Pop than she did herself. She still based her story specifically on trips to the grocery store with her Pop Pop.

·        There was very good sensory details given. I was able to catch on and see each characters personality. It was clear that their Pop Pop was a very self-minded, heard headed type of guy. While his wife, Nana, was stricter and didn’t put up with a lot of Pop Pop’s gestures.

·        The writer incorporated great dialogue. It made readers feel like they were along for the ride experiencing all the different excitements Pop Pop brought to the table for his family.

·        I thought the writer’s placement of events made the story itself flow good. It kept the story interesting by talking about small simple errands and then leading up to the big dreading errand that the whole family tried to get out of. I was able to connect with the writer because my grandpa himself was always hard headed, loved to joke around and be a smartass.

·        The writer gave readers great details to use to be able to know the types of relationships the writer had with her grandparents and the errands that were ran on a daily/weekly basis.

·        The story was concluded with the way her and Pop Pops grocery errand ended. It pulled all the parts together and fully brought out Pop Pops personality. Without the dialogue that was used, I don’t think readers would’ve been able to visualize Pop Pop and his stubborn, risky personality and it wouldn’t have been as interesting.

Personal Narrative- White

·         I was a little bored with the introduction. There were good sensory details however I felt like the writer was dragging on with the sentences and would’ve been fine leaving some words out. The writer talked about an adventure but didn’t give it all away in the introduction which kept me reading to see what all went on during the adventure.

·         Even though the introduction was about the writer when he was little going on a camping trip with his father, he still only talks about a fishing trip however the roles are flipped around now that the writer’s a father taking his son on a camping trip.

·         Yes sensory details were present. The writer did a good job informing readers how similar his trip with his son was with his trip with his father when he was his son’s age.  I was able to visualize myself going on a camping trip like the writers.

·         It would’ve been helpful to include dialogue, but the writer chose not to use any. I think the writer used enough descriptive details about all the activities they did while on the trip that dialogue necessarily didn’t have to be incorporated.

·         I myself can relate because camping has always been an interest for me and my family. As for those who aren’t so fond of camping, I think it would be hard for one to connect with. This is where the writer’s good descriptions of the activities performed became helpful for who have never been camping before to get the feel of what fun it can be.

·         The writer explains how close of a relationship him and his father had and how it resembles to relationship him and his son now have and how close the camping trip brought them together.

·         In the end, the writer talks about how much his son resembles him as a kid with the choices and actions made. I thought the conclusion kind of lacked in completing the story. I was a little confused and left hanging but overall I understood the main point in the story.

Personal Narrative- Sedaris

·         I thought the introduction fit well. It was interesting and kept me reading more. The writer talked about minor details of their experience that led to more specific instances faced in their experience in French class.

·         Yes the story was specifically focused on an experience the writer had in French class while returning to school at the age of 41. If the story was about the writer’s entire life, they would’ve incorporated their family/friends, likes/dislikes, hobbies/jobs, etc.

·         I can visualize the dialogue and how the writer felt misplaced at first because of his age and lack of knowledge of French. I could understand that the teacher was very stubborn and hear how the dialogue was said in tone.

·         I thought the writer incorporated very descriptive dialogue. It was easy to comprehend and placement was good. If a sentence was unclear, the dialogue helped clear what was really going taking place.

·         I think every student (new or returning) can relate to this story in some way. Some are shyer than others but I think everyone’s experienced a class in their educational career where they’ve felt uncomfortable and/or had an intimidating teacher.

·         Yes the writer described his teacher’s personality and teaching styles making it difficult for students to do well. In the end, the writer talks about how he finally realized that he understood what his fellow classmates were talking about and started catching on, putting his teacher’s rude comments behind and believing.

·         I thought the conclusion was different than more because it ended in dialogue. However, it was correctly chosen and flowed with concluding the story. It did leave readers hanging because it didn’t finish with the writer finishing the class but the main part was the fear of fitting in, knowing how to speak French and getting along with the teacher. The dialogue between the writer and the teacher answered how all three of those listed above turned out.

Sentence Variety

Driving to the mall in her car, Sam went to the shoe store and bought a pair of boots and a shoeshine kit. Next, she went to the food court and ordered a burrito containing onions and peppers. While eating her burrito, Sam saw a cute boy at the pretzel stand. She began blushing once he looked at her and started walking her way. As he approached, Sam said hi. The boy quickly gagged and walked away. Shocked by the response, Sam noticed her bad breath, ran to the bathroom and bursted into tears. Gaining confidence, Sam applied some shine to her new boots and proudly walked out of the bathroom. Finding the boy, Sam informed him that he needed manners. Adding a kick with her new boots, the boy fell to the ground; Sam walked away, and left the mall.

Mechanics

In the majority of my writings, I constantly tend to include unnecessary words to my sentences. I find it helpful when I reread my writings to see if anything “better” comes to mind. With this problem, it tends to make sentences sound choppy and inconsistent. According to “The Elements of Style Book”, one should active voice to make writing more direct and vigorous. Strength in my writings is keeping related words closely together. If related words aren’t placed together, sentences tend to sound unevenly spaced and can sometimes be confusing to readers.  Placement is the key to proper writing.

Blog #5 "Summary Revision Checklist"

1. What is the thesis statement? Is it an accurate reflection of the author’s thesis

statement? Is it stated in your own words? How could you refine it to be more clear

and concise?

My thesis statements is: The ways individuals change their lifestyle in order to cope with the pressures and responsibilities college brings in life.

2. How is the essay introduced? Do you mention the article’s title, author, purpose and

audience? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and accurately reflect what is

discussed therein? Could it be improved?

I introduced my summary with an example of a normal college student experiencing a day in college.

3. What are the main points of the summary? How do you recognize them? Do you

leave out minor points and repetitive points for emphasis? Most importantly, do you

leave out your own opinion, feelings or conclusions on the subject of the article?

The main points in my summary cover the four pressures we discussed in blog. I chose to focus on these throughout my entire essay because we as college students deal with one if not more of these types of pressures every day. I implied not only examples of each pressure but examples that I have experienced throughout my college days.

4. How is the essay organized? Does it follow the organization of the original article?

What transitions do you use? Think of some additional possibilities for more logical

organization.

I mixed it up and tried as much as possible to separate each type of pressure so they each had their own paragraph. Throughout the summary, I incorporated different examples, each one dealing with the four types of pressures to keep the minds of readers open.

5. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic and

focus of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in

the conclusion? How is that effective or not?

I believe my thesis was accurate throughout my summary. I concluded with advice of my own as well as ways I think are helpful for current and future students when they start dealing with these pressures.

6. Make sure to fix any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors.

7. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly

wordy, awkward, or confusing sentences? Does the essay strive to use active, direct,

present tense verbs?

I feel like my wording structure and variety was well chosen. My examples may have been a little over wordy but I wanted to make sure readers understood what I was trying to show and explain.

8. Were the textual passages (quotes and paraphrases) well-chosen? Remember you

should try avoiding direct quotations when writing a summary.

I didn’t use a lot of quotes from the actual story that was in the book. With the ones I did include in my summary, they followed along with my summary and the examples that were used.

9. Is the essay written in third-person? Are all instances of first- and second-person

removed from the piece?

I tried keeping my summary in third person. However, it became a little tougher with some the examples I provided but I did the best I could.

10. Is the draft two to three (2-3) pages typed, double-spaced? Are all the margins one inch

(1”)?

Blog #4 "College Pressures"

I think it’s safe to say that most Freshman’s number one fear walking on campus is “Am I going to find the right classroom on time.” Starting off with my first year of college, and getting use to the campus and classroom environment, I can’t really say that I encountered a lot of pressures. If anything, it would be societal pressures. There’s always that fear of making new friends. How friendly campus students are, what group you fit in with, from athletics to sororities/fraternities, etc.

Sophomore year of college, I’ve gotten a better understanding of how much money is involved with college. Financial aid gets reimbursed (if you qualify), more loans are taken out, room and board is paid, and books are purchased. All these requirements for starting a new school year require the help of parents. My parents have always been there to support me. However, I’ve grown up and have been able to support myself for the most part (i.e. gas in the car, money for food, setting up necessary appointments, etc.). College has opened up my eyes to making sure I earn the grades I need so all this money is well spent.

Now that I’m in my junior year of college, you have to start buckling down and setting priorities to earning that degree you’ve always dreamed about receiving. I will be applying for nursing school this Fall and have to make sure my grades are where they need to be so my chances of being accepted are good. This is the time where social activities are lessened each day, and more time is being dedicated to school work and study time. Parent’s words are more meaningful to you, which adds more pressure to you to want to succeed. Peer pressure is very high because they still want you to go out and have fun, but you have to stay strong and get your priorities right.

Looking back on the two years that I have completed in college, I would now say that all four of these pressures are in some way put on you from the first day. With the economy the way it is, it is more cruitial than ever to have a college degree, which is added pressure. It is very difficult for the middle class families to put their children through college, because they make too much money to qualify for grants, however, with the expense of college, it is hard to pay for it and still make a living. So typically, the only choice is to become indebted with student loans. I believe that peer and societal pressures could be intertwined together because you want to hang out with your friends, however, you also need to do well in class in order to graduate, find a good job and eventually do well in society.